Police confirmed yesterday that a St Kilda woman had been charged with a series of assault-related offences following an altercation outside a Barkly Street restaurant on August 16.

She has been charged with recklessly causing serious injury, intentionally causing serious injury, recklessly causing injury and assault. She has been bailed to appear at the Melbourne Magistrates Court on October 26.

Ms Robertson, 41, was sacked from her flight attendant job with Qantas in 2007 after she had sex with Fiennes in the toilet on a flight from Darwin to Mumbai.

Ms Robertson pocketed $100,000 from Britain’s The Mail On Sunday newspaper to publish the details of her romp, and later conducted a paid interview with Channel Nine’s 60 Minutes.

She also revealed that she had received as much as $2000 a night working as a prostitute.

Of course, it’s a little far fetched to think that every attendant is so radiant by nature, so I have come to the conclusion that it must be the result of training—specialized education that subdues the human tendency to be self-serving. Supposing that to be true, wouldn’t the world be a wonderful place if every human being were required to take the “flight attendant” course? Why, we would smile at each other, express concern for one another, listen attentively when others speak, extend courtesies to family as well as friends, be helpful all the time, attempt to outdo each other in acts of kindness, and in general just be nice to each other even when we don’t feel like it. Sounds a bit like heaven, doesn’t it!

Then my dream-bubble burst. I was on a flight where the on-duty attendants were pleasant as usual, but a group of off-duty attendants were also on board. They were still wearing their uniforms, but their demeanor clearly revealed they had just completed their shift and were on their way home. They grumped at each other, snapped at passengers who mistook them for on-duty attendants, and simply wanted to be left alone.

Granted, they probably had worked long, hard hours aiming to fulfill the whims and fancies of passengers all the while smiling pleasantly. But obviously, they were still human. So much for my theory that the flight attendant course would solve the world’s people problems!

Now, I hope you caught the facetiousness in my illustration, and don’t think I really believe a flight attendant course would solve the human behavior problem. There isn’t a course that can ever do that. Flight attendant training and self-help books may modify our behavior—for awhile, but they could never change our nature. Only our complete surrender to Jesus, inviting Him into our lives, can so change the heart that the behavior is permanently altered. When that happens, it’s considered a miracle. But what would happen if at least those of us who call ourselves Christians were to receive this heart-altering, behavior-changing miracle? What would it look like? Would the world be a better place? What would be the result?

In the book Testimonies for the Church, vol. 9, Ellen White writes, “If we would humble ourselves before God, and be kind and courteous and tenderhearted and pitiful, there would be one hundred conversions to the truth where now there is only one.”

After referencing Matthew 11:29, she continues, “Why do we not live in constant communion with Him, so that in our connection with one another we can speak and act kindly and courteously? Why do we not honor the Lord by manifesting tenderness and love for one another? If we speak and act in harmony with the principles of heaven, unbelievers will be drawn to Christ by their association with us.”

Are those numbers only figures of speech, or are they to be taken literally? Suppose they are literal. That would mean a congregation of 20 members that baptizes two candidates per year could expect to baptize 200, or a 300 member congregation which on average baptizes 15 would see 1500 converts. Talk about evangelism explosion or growing God’s Kingdom! Last year, members of our denomination in Canada brought about 2,000 people to the church in baptism. Is it possible that if we’d displayed courteousness, graciousness, and tenderheartedness we could actually have seen 200,000 decisions? That number sounds outrageous; even one-tenth of that number seems inconceivable!

Yes, I was facetious about the flight attendant course, but I am serious about the difference our full surrender to Jesus, along with our changed behaviors, could make in influencing others in accepting Jesus as their Savior.

So what if I really found the love of my life on the airplane, same thing! I believe so strongly in finding love while traveling, I’ve even instructed quite a few of my single flight attendant and agent friends to look for love at the airport and on the airplane. Forget online dating. That’s old school. The airport is where it’s at. Where else can you find men, all kinds of men, lots and lots of men (and women) just standing around waiting for something good to happen. Think about it, you could be that good thing. I’m talking about an endless supply of diverse and interesting people here with nothing to do but wait – for you! Don’t see what you like, sit tight, a new flight will be boarding or deplaning soon.

Once you’re on the flight, make sure to check out those seated around you. Whatever you do, don’t forget about the ones working behind the drink cart. Hey, flight attendants need a little love, too! Seriously, the flight doesn’t have to be miserable. It’s all up to you. Just say hello. To someone. Anyone. NOW!

In the article I mentioned above, “Sally” suggests grabbing an E seat. Oh I know what you’re thinking, there’s no way, no freakin way you’re going to sit in a middle seat. Hey I don’t blame you, it’s the worst seat on the airplane! But not when you’re sandwiched between two hotties.

Here’s what Sally suggests..

“If you’re single and looking and really in the mood, there’s one great way to meet people on a plane. You fly Southwest. Make sure to board with the last group, which means you’ll probably be stuck in a middle seat. Then you walk down the aisle looking for a middle seat next to a really hot guy. Done.”

Personally I think Sally’s suggestion is brilliant. Don’t you?

Like I mentioned already, I met my hubby on a flight from New York to Los Angeles three days after Christmas. The flight was empty. I think we were somewhere over Illinois when I began to take notice of him. Whenever I tell the story of how we met, people (even flight attendants) always seem a little shocked. Then they’ll look at me funny and ask, “Really?”

Yes, really.

I’ll then look at them funny and ask, “What’s the big deal?” because really, what is the big deal?

Trust me, there’s no better place to find a man (or woman) than on an airplane. When I met my husband I didn’t think he was my type. Not at all. He was short. But what I would soon come to love about him was the fact that he had manners. Whenever I offered him something to eat or drink he always said please and thank you. (Good manners are a must when it comes to meeting a flight attendant.) You know that old saying, you can always tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother. Well the same holds true for the way he treats me. The flight attendant. Or anyone else in the service industry.

My husband, the passenger, he actually made eye contact while saying please and thank you, something that rarely happens on flights these days, and he did it without ogling. He was polite. But not flirty. A gentleman. This I found to be very attractive. You see if they flirt with me they’ll probably flirt with you, too, and that’s not a good thing, not when you’re looking for something serious.

Of course I couldn’t help but notice the computer, Ipod, magazine, and pen and paper inside his carry-on bag. This showed me that he was a man with a plan, which was my kind of man. The thing that got me was the delicious looking sandwich he’d brought onboard with him. It was a sign that he knew how to take care of himself. Hello, he was traveling in business class! We still serve food in business. Of course what sealed the deal was when he offered me a bite. This showed me he was a giver, not a taker. Right then and there I knew he was the one for me. We were engaged eight months later.

The point I’m trying to make here is that love really can happen at the airport or on an airplane, and it can happen to you. You just have to be open to it. And you have to say hello. To someone. Anyone. Now! How else will they know you exist?

What’s that you say? Can’t afford to fly? Well then go to the bar. If you’re in Denver there’s a nightclub called DC10 where the waitresses make the rounds dressed up as “sexy flight attendants.” The club has no VIP room so all the customers can feel as if they’re traveling in first class. Hello!

Love on the airplane (or at the airport), has it happened to you?

I had four emergency landings during my two years. The one that sticks out in my mind about how wonderful passengers were back then happened over the Rocky Mountains. We were one hour away from landing, and we had served spaghetti for the dinner entree. The captain came over the loud speaker and told everyone to strap on their seat belts. Turbulence was just ahead of us. Within two minutes, we hit a wind shear and the aircraft fell 1,000 feet. Food and flight attendants were headed for the ceiling of the aircraft. Passengers grabbed flight attendants and held on to us until the aircraft was able to regain altitude. Every person on that aircraft was wearing spaghetti, wine and salad. The interior of the plane looked like we had a food fight. Not one passenger complained about the wind shear or their soiled clothing. We broke out the liquor and beer and offered free drinks since dinner was on the ceiling. All dry-cleaning charges were picked up by Continental, and letters from passengers came to our supervisors congratulating the airline for hiring such competent and professional staff.

I flew some of the same routes for a period of a few months, so I got to know my passengers. I announced on my last flight that I was getting married. Much to my surprise a few wedding gifts were sent to Continental that were forwarded on to me. The next surprise was four of my passengers showed up for my wedding in Denver. We treated people with respect, and that was one reason we had a successful airline. It saddens me today to see how the airlines treat their passengers and employees. We have lost our human decency all for the sake of the mighty buck. I hate airports and flying now because it reminds me of how our country has become so greedy. Treat people the way you would like to be treated, and this old world would not be in the fix it is in today.

- Barbara Pannabecker, a 65-year-old grandmother

In my time — as well as during the glory days of aviation, only one of 200 hand-picked applicants was considered to be hired as a flight attendant. We endured written and psychological testing and multiple interviews just to be considered for acceptance into the comprehensive training to become the first-line representative of the air line — a flight attendant.

For me as a female during the 1950s, being accepted by the airline and having graduated from that intense, multifaceted training, I equated it to having won the lottery or being named Miss America — a respected, sought-after and admired profession.

I feel certain the middle-aged man who suffered a massive coronary while seeing his daughter and grandchild off on my Fort Worth flight would never have thought me to be just a “flying cocktail waitress” as he lay unconscious on the concourse floor of Amond Carter Field while I attempted to save his life.

Due to that unforgettable incident and for the second time in the history of Delta Air Lines, I, a flight attendant, was awarded Delta Airline’s “Passenger Service Award” — rarely given to flight crews. We were expected to perform these acts as a matter of course.

— Mimi Newton Boney, Delta Airlines former flight attendant

I have a few interesting tales pertaining to my career as a flight attendant. I flew for TWA from 1969 to 1979. These were “the good old years” in the friendly skies. I was first based in New York and flew quite a few Chicago commuter runs. Back in those days, we would pour coffee from quite heavy steel pots. It was pretty routine to rest the coffee pot on the top of the aisle seat while holding a tray with the other hand for the passenger to place there coffee cup on it to be filled and offer cream and sugar. One morning on a very busy flight, I was doing my usual service and while offering “cream and sugar” to the window seated passenger. I could hear the aisle passenger saying “Stop it, stop it.” Poor little bald man. I had my coffee pot resting on the top of his head instead of the top of the chair cushion.

I was working a trip one Christmas Eve that was grounded due to a snow storm. We were stranded in St. Louis and had seven unaccompanied children on board. My flying partner and I decided that we would take responsibility for these children and try to make it a memorable Christmas Eve. We took them with us to our layover hotel, and I took the four boys and my flying partner took the three girls. We arranged for rollaway beds to be delivered to our rooms and proceeded to call each of the children’s parents. It was especially funny to hear the response from one of the little boy’s Dad. He said “That a boy, the first time you go off on your own you spend the night with a stewardess!” We got a good laugh out of that one. Then we ordered cheeseburgers and ice cream for all the children and had a huge pillow fight before trying to get some sleep. The next morning we ate pancakes and headed back to the airport taking off before 10 a.m. and delivering the children safely to their happy parents. Imagine even suggesting that today?

Next is a story about live lobster races in the aisle of the airplane:

After flying out of New York for a year I was transferred to Los Angeles. I flew a lot of L.A.-to-Boston runs. While in Boston, I would purchase live lobsters to bring home for dinner. For entertainment in first class we would take our lobsters out of the transport boxes, mark them and take bets on which one would win. Getting the lobsters so “lively” usually made the meat tough but it was very entertaining for the passengers.

Next is a story about dance contests we had on board:

It was not uncommon to have long delays on the runway in La Guardia Airport and Chicago O’Hare. We would always break out the complimentary liquor and, depending on the mood of the passengers, we would sometimes have dance contests in the aisles. It was so funny to watch people with their head phones on dancing away, and we would hold our hands over different dancers while the passengers that were observing would clap and cheer for the best ones. The winners would get free bottles of champagne until we had depleted the supply.

Those were definitely the good old days. We ended every flight with sore faces from laughing so hard.

— Sheri Myer

In 1964, I was 26 years old and a flight attendant for Eastern Airlines, based in Miami, Fla. At that time, there were 1,700 flight attendants throughout the Eastern system, and I was one of four picked to work on the 1964 presidential campaign airplane with Henry E. Miller of the Goldwater-Miller ticket. We four female attendants and one male steward were picked in mid-August and worked the campaign right up to Election Day. If I remember correctly, there were approximately 137 seats on the plane. The candidate and his family and other campaign big money contributors sat in the first-class section. In the rear section, every newspaper and television reporter in our nation was on board at one time or the other. The likes of Sander Van Oker and Walter Cronkite were there and young men at that time. Our route covered every state from Miami to California to Montana to Washington, D.C., and all points in between. As flight attendants, we worked very long hours, met some very interesting people and saw some great sites in our beautiful country. I regretted that Goldwater did not win the election. If he had, we all had visions of visiting the White House on a regular basis. This is a memory of my life that I shall cherish as part of my family history.

— Joy Hrobak

Many years ago one of our granddaughters, Brooke, now 29 years old, had visited us at Houston for Christmas and had been granted her Santa Claus wish for a parakeet. We were waiting for her return flight to Lubbock at the Hobby Airport lounge. The ticket agent informed her that she and her family could make the flight, but the bird could not. Our efforts to console her with “We’ll get another pet in Lubbock” met with wails of “No, no, I want this one” and inconsolable crying. When the pilot who happened to be passing by stopped to inquire what the problem was, and the story was related to him, he said “No problem; it will ride with me in the cockpit.” The problem was solved with thank-yous from a grateful family.

Returning from a business trip to Rio de Janeiro, my husband and I informed the attendant staff the we did not wish to be disturbed for what used to be called “meals” as we intended to catch some shut eye. After takeoff, I put on my sleep mask and he tied a bandana over his eyes, and reclining our seats, we spent a peaceful night. Early in the morning I awoke to find the male attendant trying to prevent a little rotund and elderly lady from exiting her seat behind my husband, with the exhortation of “You can’t get up (to the bathroom) yet, as this gentleman has a head injury.” Needless to say I wakened my husband and we put our seats upright allowing the nice lady to make her trip.

On a trip to New Zealand and Australia, after retirement, my husband had acquired some airline miles entitling him to upgrade to two first-class seats. Making the trip with us was my older sister, Mary, so we made a deal that on different legs of the rather long journey the three of us would take turns using the first-class seats. Mary took the first leg in the regular seats, and husband and I the first-class ones. He however, possessing an Irish gift for “talking the birds out of the trees,” told the flight attendant that since there were empty seats in first class it seemed a shame that Mary was “down below.” Lo and behold, that male attendant when down and brought Mary up to join us. Not only that, but the attendant gifted us with an extra bottle of wine as we left the plane. On the other parts of the trip Mary and I, being more timid and not having the gift of gab, did not rescue my husband and he has never let us forget it!

This does not involve a flight attendant but still make me laugh. On a trip to New Zealand we had a layover in Hawaii and upon resuming the trip about midnight, we managed to fall asleep. When the pilot announced “Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for landing soon at Auckland,” I, being a light sleeper, beat everyone else to the restroom, washed face, combed hair, applied lipstick etc. Upon coming back into the passenger area I thought “What is wrong with these people as no one else was stirring.” Then I looked at my watch. We were 45 minutes out of Hawaii and I had dreamed the pilot’s voice. Seemed so real.

— Barbara Madden

Way back in 1946, I worked as a hostess for TWA, which is no longer in business. In those days, we were called “hostess” and in later years the title was changed to “stewardess” and finally to “flight attendant” when men were hired also. I flew in a twin-engine 21-passenger Douglas DC-3. Many of the flights were not booked to capacity, which provided an opportunity for me to sit and chat with passengers.

The cabin was not pressurized or air-conditioned and until we were airborne the cabin could become uncomfortably warm until the cool upper air flowed through the vents. (It sounds rather primitive compared with today’s aircraft.) Before take-off I distributed small boxes of chewing gum to the passengers to ease air pressure in the ears. No alcohol was allowed. Until my training class, TWA required that the hostesses be trained nurses.

My first flight was in July, flying from Kansas City to Albuquerque, N.M. The hot sun created many updrafts and down drafts and almost immediately I became air sick, and it lasted until we landed in Albuquerque. Those poor passengers were somewhat neglected.

On one flight an elderly woman asked me to point out the next air pocket we came to because she had never seen one. On another flight an elderly man was quite talkative and later wrote to me. He even had his wife knit some gloves for me. (Sadly no fur coats or diamonds.)

TWA required their hostesses to be single, so finally I willingly traded my job for a wonderful husband and we have been happily married for 60 years.

— Winifred Holmes

One January, my 3 p.m. return flight out of Toronto on American Airlines was canceled due to winter storms in Chicago, my transfer point back to Austin. I caught a later flight and arrived in Chicago around 8 p.m. Though the storms had passed, flight schedules were a mess, and O’Hare was jammed with passengers waiting around and trying to rebook their flights. I finally boarded a flight to Austin around 10 p.m. As we waited to get under way, it was announced that because of the delays, the pilot and co-pilot were past their allowed time on duty. A new crew was flying in and was expected to be aboard our plane in about an hour. We all groaned in unison. The flight was packed, everyone was late and frustrated, and we would be lucky to even take off before 11:30 p.m.

As we sat on the plane, I noticed one flight attendant going up the aisle talking to passengers. She offered pillows and blankets, but mostly she just listened and let people vent their travel miseries of the day. Everyone was more than a bit frazzled, and her actions defused the tension. By the time the new pilots arrived, people were actually smiling a bit and chatting with their neighbors. Once we finally took off and settled into the flight, I stopped the flight attendant and told her what I had seen her do. I asked for her name so I could write a letter to the airline commending her actions. She was so pleased and thanked me profusely, when it was she who deserved the thanks. She asked me what I liked to drink, and a short time later a free bottle of wine magically appeared at my seat. I wrote that letter, and I hope it made a difference for her like she did for the rest of us.

— Bruce MacKenzie

In my attempt to help the planes keep flying, I do as much traveling as I can and have a couple flight attendant stories, neither of which reflects positively on certain passengers. Both happened when I’d gotten a free upgrade on domestic flights, both a couple years ago and both, I hope, not reflective of the general first-class passenger clientele.

On one, the flight attendant, halfway through the flight, came and hunkered down next to my seat, pointed her finger at me and said, “I want to tell you that you are the first person today to say please and thank you to me.” I was appalled and asked whether that was standard operating procedure up in first class and she said yes, that first-class passengers often (I hope not often and that’s it’s only occasionally!) feel entitled to the better service and don’t feel obliged to be polite. I thought that was a horrible comment and felt sorry if that was the sort of dismissive behavior she encountered all too often.

On another I was on the right-hand side of the aisle and the meal service choices had begun on that side of the plane on that flight, which meant that the men in the front row on the left side no longer had any choice of meal; they just got whatever was left. One of the men was furious (probably a paying first-class passenger, which I wasn’t) and berating the flight attendant in a loud voice. I signaled to her and suggested she offer the man my meal as I really didn’t care which I had. She was so thankful that she could defuse his anger and get him to quiet down, that she offered me a bottle of champagne! (pre-9/11 and the subsequent liquid restrictions). I said thanks but no thanks as I’m not a champagne drinker. Nevertheless when I got off the flight, she insisted I take a bottle, which I then gave to my brother whom I was on my way to visit.

I’ve run into some dour flight attendants, but most are cheerful and helpful and I can understand why some would find it hard to crack a smile if their days go anything like the days those two women were experiencing.

— Judy Roesset

I am a retired flight attendant. I started my career in the early ’70s and worked for two different airlines.

We always served hot meals with the beverage of choice back in our old days. Now things have changed.

The best memory of my career was to be selected as one of the crew on the TWA charter flight for President Ronald Reagan to Japan in 1989. He was kind enough to sign his name on my naturalization paper. (I came from Japan in 1969 and became a U.S. citizen in 1977). He was wearing his warm-up clothes on the flight, and he greeted and spoke with us. He asked us to call him Mr. Reagan, not President Reagan. He was very humble.

We had more than 100 military families on our 747 jet to Tokyo. He was a kind and generous man.

I also met former President Jimmy Carter. I was working at the gate, not knowing he was going to be our flight, but I noticed some unusually activity around the gate. They were Secret Service people.

I still love to travel, and I see things from both side now. My career as a flight attendant has been very rewarding.

— Masako Cromack

My husband and I sat on the last row of business class on an overseas flight. Not long before our descent, a passenger from the back came through the curtain, aiming for the bathroom. Our attendant, who had made pleasant conversation throughout the trip, moved over and intercepted him.

“Sorry, sir. This toilet is busy right now, and is reserved for our business-class customers.” The man became agitated and started rattling off something in a language we couldn’t follow. She shook her head, and pointed toward the back. “We have six other toilets for your use.”

In a flash, he urinated on her leg and shoes.

It had happened so quickly that none of us moved. While we were all recovering, another attendant came forward and said the man asked for a complaint form, stating that she had been abusive to him and had humiliated him by yelling insults at him.

And for this job flight attendants took an almost 50 percent pay cut last year?

— Terri LeClercq

I have transformed as a traveler. Two years ago, I was a road warrior traveling to three continents in a month while pregnant. Stockholm then Las Vegas then Tokyo then California then back to Las Vegas then on to Boston in the month of January 2007. Today, I am the mother of a 1-year old and my days of solo travel and international business class flights are long gone. I flew so many miles with American that I am one of their elite members for life yet there are some flights I still can’t bring myself to take on American.

My entire family and my husband and I are originally from Boston. The majority of our family still lives there and my son, Alex, and I travel back nearly every month. If you asked me before I had a child if I wanted to take an American flight connecting through DFW to Boston, I would have said yes and figured out how many miles I could earn. If you ask me to travel to Boston with a 1-year old, I will tell you to take JetBlue nonstop every time. I had a particularly great experience on my last trip back in October. I was by myself with my son (my husband had to fly home on Monday, and I chose to stay a bit longer to visit with my family). It was a four-hour flight and luckily they let me bring my car seat on even though I hadn’t purchased a seat for him. My son decided to scream for a good 15 minutes on the way up. Normally, a drink of water or milk works or a snack of banana. Anything that has him chew and pop his ears. This day, it wasn’t happening. A woman two rows back came and asked me if she wanted me to take him for a few minutes and play with him. Did she really think I would give my son over to a complete stranger on a plane? At any rate, he stopped and we played for a while but on a four-hour flight, things get boring, Alex starts to get restless and I wonder if it’s happy hour somewhere in world. We can only read so many books and play with so many things.

We took a walk up to the front of the cabin to pass some time and met the two nicest flight attendants ever. They didn’t tell us to return to our seats. Instead they played with us and talked and kept me sane for an hour while my son laughed and smiled and high-fived them. And though my son never slept for the four-hour flight, my break and great conversation with the flight attendants made it so much more bearable. When we got off the plane, the JetBlue captain actually helped me pop open my stroller. What a great airline!

— Carolyn Lowe

For most of my adult life, I have been truly terrified of flying, so much so that I have had to take medication for a trip. So, as usual, when we were waiting for the doors to close on my trip to Seattle, I was gripping the armrest white-knuckle style with the usual look of abject terror on my blood-drained face. The flight attendant noticed. She asked me if I was OK.

“No,” I replied. “I have fear, real fear, of flying. Or, I guess you could say, fear of crashing.”

She gave me a hard stare and turned around. Great, I thought, humiliation on top of terror. However, she returned very shortly with a man’s wallet. She opened it to a photo of two young children and asked me to look at them.

“Cute,” I observed. “Yours?”

“No,” she explained patiently. “These are the captain’s children. This man is going to do everything in his power to get home safely. He has had years of preparation and training. His goal is to make this trip safely, deliver his passengers and get home to his children.” Again with the stare to make sure I comprehended all she was trying to convey, but this time with a comforting pat on my arm.

I learned a great deal that day. First, as a teacher, I realized how profound a lesson on a personal level can be. Next, I was able to finally let go of my irrational fear and relax. I won’t say that excessively turbulent flights don’t conjure those old frights, but I will never forget the professionalism and genuine kindness of that flight attendant who took notice of me and then took the time to completely change my attitude about flying.

— Marie Peterek

During the tech bust of 2001, my husband took a job in Portland, Ore. I would fly out every two weeks to see him usually on (one airline). One time though the schedule or costs were better on another airline. I ordered red wine during the flight but my cab arrived icy cold. I asked the flight attendant if they had anything room temp and mentioned that the other airline usually comped me a glass of wine from first class since they seemed never to have any on their carts. He came back with a wonderful glass. A few minutes later he returned with an unopened bottle wrapped in a bag complete with a bow. I never flew flew the other airline to Portland again!

— Teri Sarver

My company requires travel in coach. At the end of a long business trip in Europe I was returning home on my birthday. As I reached my seat on the plane, I pondered the dubious pleasure of being cramped for many hours on the flight back through Dallas. I decided to use miles to upgrade as a present to myself. As I headed back through the plane I met a flight attendant, curious why I was going the wrong way. I told her about my plan and that I was going to go back out to the counter to arrange it. When I reached the counter, the gate agent immediately and peremptorily dismissed the request, telling me business class was full. I knew there were many empty seats, but I was tired so I accepted my fate and returned to the plane with my original boarding pass. The flight attendant greeted me again. With a wry smile I told her (as we stood in the mostly empty business class), “Business class is full.” She looked surprised and I said “It wasn’t worth fighting. I’ll be fine.” Back I went to coach and settled in for the long haul, just happy to be heading home. The instant the doors closed on the plane, the flight attendant came to my seat and said “Mr. Trudeau, I’m happy to say you have just been upgraded to business class. Happy birthday!” It was a memorable flight.

— Jim Trudeau

I’m a flight attendant for a major airline where long days and uneventful flights are thankfully common. I love my job, but sometimes we have to look for ways to make our long flights fun. There are two sure-fire practical jokes we play on unsuspecting passengers and other flight attendants that give us a few laughs.

On the 737-300, there are two lavatories located at the back of the aircraft. For some unknown reason, Boeing placed a small mirror on the wall right outside the lavatory at head level. Two flight attendant jumpseats are there also, so we see everyone who comes in and out of the lavatory.

Many times the lavatories are occupied when another passenger walks up and tries to enter. Of course, the passenger can’t enter because the door is locked.

One day, I was on a flight when a teenage girl walked up to use the lavatory, which was occupied. Knowing teenagers are very self-conscious and would be mortified if someone were to see them going to the bathroom, I decided she’d be a good candidate for a little teasing. Plus, she looked like she had a sense of humor.

I said loudly to the other flight attendant sitting with me, “You want to check the lav? They’ve been in there awhile and are probably about finished.”

The flight attendant gets up, heads straight for the mirror on the side of the lav and stares into it as if it were a two-way mirror. He turns to the girl and says, “Don’t worry, it looks like they are about done.”

She just stared at him with this incredulous look on her face trying to figure out if he was serious or not. I couldn’t hold it any longer and started laughing. A smile crept over her face and she started laughing, too.

— Amy Nunley

I was a flight attendant for Eastern Air Lines from 1965 to 1969. The first three years I was based in Atlanta and the last one in Washington, D.C. We always said that the most glamorous part of the job was walking through the airport with our navy blue suits, high heel navy pumps, pill box hat and little white gloves on. It was hard work at that time. Cocktails and meals were served to a full plane within 30 minutes, which was pretty hair-raising.

One time I was on an Electra when lightning struck one of the engines on the left wing. Within seconds lightning struck an engine on the right wing. The mood turned tense. Just then the captain came on and announced, “We’re going to be fine. Free drinks for everyone!” The mood turned festive immediately.

— Janet Cippele

Two years ago, I flew to Denver to visit my girlfriend and her family.

On my way back from Denver, there was a delay and we spent extra time in the terminal. Though I love to watch people, I noticed a couple around the gate area. They were both extremely overweight and agitated, and I thought to myself, this must be hard on them. Anyway, they walked away from the gate and I forgot about them. We ultimately boarded the plane. I was in the very back, on the far right of the plane … the last three seats. The flight attendant stood behind the seats getting ice, etc. organized. As the people started piling in, we were told the take our seats. It was a completely full flight, and the sooner we would sit down the sooner we could take off. I had seat C, the aisle seat. I got my magazine out and settled in. As the final boarding call came in and we were told again to get into our seat. I saw the couple trying to make their way in the aisle to wherever their seats were and I briefly wondered how they could even get into the seats. When I looked back up, they were standing by my row and told me that had seats A & B. I got up to let them in. The flight attendant was just standing there. When they sat down, there was not enough room to even get one of my legs into my chair. I looked at the attendant and quietly walked behind her and asked her to see if there was another seat for me. She loudly proclaimed that I had better take my seat NOW. There were no other seats. I was embarrassed for her to let people around me know what my dilemma was when I just saw another open seat. She again told me to get into my assigned seat as the one I was getting into would be taken. So I waited, and sure enough, a young lady arrived and I got up. Since I still was not able to get into my own seat, I took another open seat. I looked at the flight attendant to see if she could help me out, but she curtly informed me that seat C was my seat, and there were no others. Meanwhile the rest of the people around me looked at her, at me, at the poor couple taking up all three seats, and I finally said to her, “Could you please make sure that I can sit in one of the open seats?” And she said to me, “If you don’t sit down in your seat now, I will have you escorted off the airplane.” I could not believe what I heard. Thankfully, no one else came to take the only seat in the back. I was thrilled and relieved not to have to continue with this battle of seats. After we took off, the attendant walked passed me and said, “Aren’t you lucky?” I quietly said to her, “If I were you, I wouldn’t even go there.”

— Monika S. Matthews

On a transatlantic flight, I was awakened after only a few hours out from London by the loud, argumentative voice of a drunk man in the seat just in front of me. A very quiet voice voice was directing those in neighboring seats to other areas of the plane where they would be less disturbed. The flight attendant offered to help me move. I said I would stay. All night, the flight attendant quietly talked to the drunk man in a friendly way that kept him from disturbing anyone else. At the end of our flight I told the congenial attendant how much I admired his courtesy, patience and wisdom. I wrote a letter of commendation to the airline. We rarely realize that the work flight attendants do is demanding and difficult.

— Mary Ellen Felps

My dad, Joe Escalante, was an extraordinary man. In his short life, he made many friends and helped give Pan American Airways its reputation of safe and fun in the skies. He was a purser. Joe knew every station manager, traffic agents, baggage handler and an amazing number of passengers between Brownsville, Mexico City, Panama, Port of Spain and in-between spots, which were quite a few. He also got to know the new stewardesses who took on part of his job. I was named after one of them. My dad was also good at taking care of difficult situations. One involved the White House Press corps, who chartered a Pan Am plane. They were demanding drinks when they did not need anymore, and my dad and his crew had to handle them. My dad’s crew got an apology letter from The Associated Press a few days later. My dad died when I was 8 and I know he’s probably helping someone right now.

— Monica Escalante Hudson

Flying as a stewardess with British Overseas Airways Corporation in the early ’60s was quite an experience. Somewhere along the way stewardess was changed — or, some may say, upgraded — to flight attendant and BOAC to British Airways.

British culture has long been dominated by rules, and the national airline was no exception. Stewardesses had to be: single, between 21 and 28 years, weigh less than 140 pounds; between 5 foot 1 and 5 foot 8 and had to be tested in a foreign language, catering and medical knowledge. We were trained to give morphine injections, deliver babies, conceal a dead passenger, keep people motivated and alive in a 26-man dinghy and survive in jungle, arctic and desert. Crews would depart from London in the Boeing 707 and fly east or west “round the world” routes, which meant packing for two weeks and climates of both hemispheres.

The one thing nobody could train us for was passengers. Jet air travel was comparatively new and expensive in the early ’60s and although the aircraft capacity was 140, we often flew the Atlantic with as few as 20 passengers. There were six of us in the cabin and interaction with passengers on a 10-hour flight became quite personal and rewarding but certainly not without incident.

On a London to New York flight, the cabin crew was notified by airline staff that a female passenger with a 6-week old baby was the wife of an American tycoon and we were to cater to her every need. As a 21-year-old rookie stewardess, names of tycoons were wasted on me. The woman came aboard and handed me her baby with the instructions that I was to care for the baby whose next feed was due in three hours. I obligingly secured the sleeping infant in a “skycot” attached to the bulkhead and went on to help other passengers to their seats.

After much gin and tonic, the tycoon’s wife moved over four or so rows to join a man who had invited her to drink with him. Alcohol took its toll on the couple, at which point I politely denied them any further alcohol service. They were furious and the tycoon’s wife returned forward to her original seat screaming abuse at me although I was by now feeding and changing her baby. We dimmed the lights, informed the captain of discontinuing the pair’s alcohol and gradually everything became calm – or so we thought.

When passing down the aisle to check the baby, I could not believe my eyes: the mother was stark naked and snoring. Fortunately she was in a bulkhead seat and could not be easily seen. I shook her gently but she was out cold so I tried to dress her. Doing that without cooperation is not an easy task, and I had just got her skirt around her waist when she awoke from her stupor and started to swear and scream about my gender and nationality at the top of her voice. We had to restrain her from lashing out and running half-naked around the plane. Two of us held her down while a third crew member went to report to the captain.

At Idlewild Airport, we had New York medics meet the aircraft; strap the woman to a stretcher together with baby which she was incapable of holding. The cabin crew and medics struggled to get the pair of them safely down the steps and across the tarmac to immigration. At no time did she lose her power of speech and vitriol.

— Jenny Penny

I was flying from Austin to Phoenix on Southwest with my 3-month old — first child, first time on an airplane with a baby. I, as I believe a lot of first time parents do, intended to prepare for any scenario that might occur on the plane and as a result was schlepping about three times our combined volume in baby stuff and despite the pre-board head start was clearly struggling. The charming and delightful Southwest attendant saw me coming down the tunnel and said “Hey, let me help you out!” and to my great surprise, instead of helping me with all the stuff, she took my baby, and they jointly greeted every passenger while I stowed the load. And though I was a bit concerned initially, seeing Ethan smile ear to ear at every new face he saw with her, I quickly realized this woman had a very good understanding of what makes for a fun trip if you’re an infant.

— Karen Weisblatt

My wife and are avid readers of the Statesman, living in Temple. Seeing your request for flight attendant stories made us laugh as we remembered this encounter from the early 2000s. Three couples were on their way to San Francisco and the Napa Valley for a long weekend away from kids. The plane was a wide body jet, one with two aisles and plenty of room. We were all seated within earshot but not right next to each other. We had a while to wait before take-off, so were visiting. When the flight attendant appeared to give her “demonstration,” we continued to visit, as we had all flown before. The attendant, who looked to be in her ’50s, wore lots of pancake makeup, long painted nails and had long blonde hair tightly braided and arranged around her head in a style reminiscent of the “Swiss Miss” chocolate maiden, will henceforth be referred to as “Helga.”

Now, mind you: We were all adults in our 40s with kids, very successful jobs, no alcohol yet on board (yet), and we weren’t carrying on that much. But we were not paying attention to her presentation. Halfway through the presentation, she stopped and made her way over to my side (I was sitting on the aisle) leaned over, and loudly “shhhusshhed” in my ear. I remember it scaring me, as I had not noticed her standing there. She had probably been waiting for my silence. Her outburst and my shocked response sent my wife, seated next to me, and our friends, into hysterics. As a matter of fact, I recall that most of that side of the plane was chuckling. But of course, as my wife would attest, I had been challenged. The gauntlet had been thrown down. I was not about to let Helga get the best of me. After we took off, when the plane was still in its ascent and the seatbelt sign was still lighted, I discovered my reading glasses were in my briefcase in the overhead bin. So, defiantly, I unbuckled and stood to retrieve the glasses. Helga immediately descended and reprimanded me. Then as I read a few minutes later, after the plane had leveled out and we were permitted to unbuckle, I was approached by a flight attendant labeled as the “chief.” She was another “experienced” woman who had probably been flying since the Wright Brothers. I was politely, but firmly, told that I had been reported to the cockpit, noting that I had been reduced to a seat number (the customer in 14D), and that I would not be allowed to get up from my seat during the entire 3.5-hour flight unless I pushed the call button and asked permission. Although my wife became concerned, our friends were really in hysterics at this point. It was pointless to become agitated, there was so much laughter and joking. They had even elicited the participation of complete strangers who had witnessed the events of my discipline. My wife cautioned me of what would happen if I was left in San Francisco and not allowed to return on the same airline. My friends brought me food, even a cup in which to urinate if I had the urge and could not get an escort. I think Helga refused to deal with me, because the “chief” attendant had apparently been reassigned the duty of handling me for the rest of the flight, probably much to the disappointment of the first-class travelers. Memories of the encounter lasted for the rest of the four-day trip. My wife made me promise to behave on the journey home, lest she have to accompany me to the airline equivalent of a jail cell at the San Francisco airport.

Months later when the movie “Anger Management,” starring Adam Sandler as a mad man thrown off an airplane for badmouthing a flight attendant, then having to attend anger management classes came out, my friends organized a reunion to see the movie. They required that I remain seated during the entire movie and even provided me with a urinal from a medical supply store.

— The Devalls

I am a flight attendant on regional jets. My primary concern is safety of the passengers, especially children. I am continuously amazed at the lack of knowledge parents have about flight safety. I do occasionally have a parent who lets the child make decisions and say things like, “But she doesn’t want to put on her seat belt.” I had one family who epitomized everything that can be done wrong. They had five children, boys 14, 12, 8, 3 and a girl 9 months, traveling in a carrier. (Unfortunately, the flight wasn’t full, so it gave them plenty of room to maneuver.) First, they placed the carrier facing forward but appropriately in a window seat. I had to tell them that carriers are placed in the same position as in cars. On my next check, they had moved the carrier, facing backward, but to a aisle seat, blocking in one of the boys. The baby was being held, and mom’s purse was in the carrier. For take-off, mom held the baby and the carrier was in a row by itself. If you have a choice, the safest way for a child or infant to fly is in a car seat. After I finished my announcement that we were ready to taxi, the 14-year-old asked if he could use the lavatory. Of course not! The 3-year-old wanted to sit in a row by himself behind everyone else in the family, and they had let him. As we started taxiing, he got up and went to the back of the plane. I immediately went back and told the parents he had to sit with one of them. During the flight, mom put the baby in the carrier and left her alone as she moved back several rows to talk to another woman. Thank goodness we didn’t have a decompression — there was no one around to take care of the baby. The 12-year-old moved to the emergency exit row, clearly too young to sit there (minimum age 15), and I had to tell him he couldn’t sit there. I felt bad, because every time I went down the aisle, I had to correct them about something. They didn’t apologize or seem contrite. But they didn’t get angry at me either, as I have had some parents do when I’ve asked them to put their child’s safety first.

— Dede

When my now 20-year-old son, Andrew, was 5, he was looking through his backpack that I had packed for him for a plane trip. Crayons, check; books, check; games, check. When he got to the snacks he looked at me and said “Why did you pack these? You know they have those food maids on the planes.” Horrified to see that a flight attendant had overheard this remark, I was relieved when she thought it was funny. What is rich about this anecdote is that now, my son, in addition to being a student at the University of Texas, is a “food maid” himself at the Hills Country Club in Lakeway.

— Jane Tenberg-Yorke

I flew with Trans World Airlines from 1956 to 1959, back when the job was glamorous and the passengers were glamorous also. Movie stars were frequently on our flights as we were known as the “Airline to the Stars.” People were so sweet and helpful. I was based in Newark, N.J., right out of training in Kansas City, and the flights there were pretty far down on the seniority list. I remember one trip was from Chicago to Newark on a Martin 404, which held 40 passengers and made about six stops. Terre Haute, Ind.; Columbus, Ohio; Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and Harrisburg, Pa.; and finally Newark. There may have been one more that; I can’t remember. The segments were usually 20 minutes, including landing and takeoff, with two 40-minute segments. I had to serve dinner to all 40 people twice and there was only one flight attendant on these planes. The passengers were commuters, so every flight segment held totally different people. I had to unwrap salads, place them on trays, place pillows on people’s laps, serve coffee or tea, all with a smile, in addition to making the take-off and landing announcements. We also had clipboards and seating charts on which we wrote everyone’s name. On the dinner flights, there were always a gentleman or two who would insist on helping. It might have been against the rules, but it sure made it easier for me, and the passengers got their meals a little faster. No one ever complained; we were all like a family, a far cry from today’s flights.

After five months, I was able to transfer to Chicago, my home town. There I flew on larger planes to the exciting destinations of the west. On one flight, I met the movie producer Joe Pasternak, who discovered Kim Novak. He invited me to visit the movie studio (Columbia) and offered me a chance to act in the movie “Gidget.” Perhaps I was foolish but I decided I wanted to keep flying. Several months later, when serving coffee to the pilots in the cockpit, I met the man I just knew somehow I would marry. I did, and we had a happy marriage for 40 years until his death.

The tradition carried on when I had a daughter who became a flight attendant who married a pilot on her flight.

— Joan Tarbox

My own story occurred when I was flying with a head cold and became panicky at the thought that my ear drums would burst while descending and I would suffer excruciating pain because my stuffy head would not allow the air pressure to equalize, because I was not able to clear them with yawning and swallowing. The flight attendant was soothing, comforting and reassuring, telling me she hadn’t ever seen that actually happen to anyone (which helpful to hear, even if I didn’t know for sure it was really true). She offered a remedy, placing wet paper towels in two cups, heating them in the microwave, and telling me to hold the cups tightly over my ears (so presumably the steam would help me feel better). I don’t know whether this was a legitimate solution, but at least it gave me something to do, and I didn’t suffer during the landing. The most important thing was her sympathetic manner, more so than the actual remedy, listening to my fear and taking me seriously, which was very helpful for my emotional state.

— Rita Kuntz

I was a captain/pilot in the U.S. Air Force when I was assigned to Vietnam. I managed to travel to Travis AFB, Calif., and then overseas to Vietnam without incident. The year there was pretty hectic and definitely traumatic; however, I made it through and flew back to the United States in December 1971. When we got off the military cargo jet at Travis AFB we were advised to go to the Base Exchange and buy civilian clothes before traveling through the terminal at San Francisco International Airport. The reason we were given was that protesters to the Vietnam War were all over the terminal and would throw rotten eggs, spit on, yell at, use profanities with any military person in uniform. We certainly had a hard time understanding this because we were over there doing what our government asked of us and didn’t feel we should be blamed for the war and its consequences. Thank goodness today’s environment for returnees from Afghanistan/Iraq is totally different, as it should be. Anyway, we all bought civilian clothes before going to the airport and catching our flights. The protesters were there in big numbers and, even though they left us alone because of the civilian clothes (media cameras were all over the place), they could tell who we were because of the stature and short haircuts. We got a lot of dirty looks.

I was very happy to get on the airplane headed for Los Angeles, where my parents resided. I had recently gone through a divorce, and my ex-wife and son were in New Mexico. Between the protesters and the divorce my mood was definitely not the best. I had paid for a seat in coach class and when I took my seat I observed the airplane was probably about half full. There was a closed door between coach and first class. We took off from San Francisco and within about five minutes a flight attendant came back from first class and asked if I was in the military and had just come back from Vietnam, and I answered yes to both questions. She then asked for me to please come up front to first class. I reluctantly got up and asked if she was sure it was OK, and she stated it was and I needn’t worry. She and two other flight attendants were working first class and they had no passengers except me. They couldn’t have been nicer and more praiseworthy and repeatedly apologized for the treatment I received in the San Francisco Airport. You were only supposed to have a drink or two on a flight (they were free in those days), but the ladies managed to get a lot more than that into me before we touched down in Los Angeles an hour later. I thanked them profusely for how they had treated me and half-staggered off the airplane. I wasn’t much of a drinker, so my tolerance level was pretty limited. When I got to the L.A. terminal and met my folks they both remarked that I acted like I was about half-drunk, which happened to be true. When I got home I had to put down a bunch of water to get where I could carry on a normal conversation.

The flight attendants hadn’t tried to get me drunk on purpose; they just wanted to make sure I enjoyed myself and that not everybody was protesting those of us sent to Vietnam. I have always, and always will, have a soft spot in my heart for flight attendants! Thanks.

— Rick Wheeler

About seven years ago, I flew Southwest with our two children, Austin, 5 and Madison 3, from Austin to Fort Lauderdale, Fla., to visit my family. Apparently, the pilot’s name was Barney.

As we were seated and before the attendants’ went into their departure routine, one of the flight attendants, began to sing this song, to the tune of the “Barney” theme song:

We love you,

You love us,

We’re much faster than a bus,

So, if you enjoy our hospitality

Marry one of us

And you’ll fly free!

With our daughter Madison being 3 years old and at that perfect Barney age, she just thought that was the funniest thing she’d ever seen an attendant do!

She still recalls it now and again when we board a plane.

— Chrisie Rochow

In the early 1960s I attended “American Airlines Stewardess College” at Amon Carter Field in Fort Worth, Texas. Believe it or not, back then there were classes in “comportment,” where we learned how to sit properly and walk up and down stairs gracefully; classes in grooming and makeup, where we learned that wearing that “trashy” eyeliner would result in being grounded; classes in first aid, where we learned how to deliver babies; classes in how to prepare for the unlikely crash landing, where we got to slide down the evacuation slide; memory classes where we learned how to recall passengers’ names; classes in food and wine service, where we learned how to pour a glass of wine without allowing drips; and we were taught that attendants were to treat passengers as “guests in one’s home.” We received our wings at graduation and were off to our new “home bases” and reality. In those days, after passengers boarded, we used seating charts to record names and later (using that memory training info) the “stewardess” would pass up and down the aisle offering: “May I get you a magazine, Mr. Gray? Would you care for a pillow, Mrs. Smith? Would you prefer the chicken or meat entr?e, Mr. Jones? Red or white wine, Mr. Blue? Supervisors periodically performed “check flights” where attendants were graded on performance, such as calling the majority of passengers by name. There were mail-in postcards in the seat back pockets, asking passengers to comment on their attendants’ performances; the airline always let us know when they received comments, good or bad. By the way, my roommate tested the eyeliner rule and was promptly grounded for a week, but I was never called on to deliver a baby and only one time had to prepare the cabin full of passengers for a crash, which turned out to be a false alarm. As a closing note, when the “new” Boeing 707 jet came on line, attendants received a monetary per flight-hour bonus (similar to “hazardous duty” pay), for flying on the jets because it was said to be harder on one’s legs to fly so high!

— Mary Mullaney Jordan

Many moons ago, I was returning from 21\/2 years of duty in the Far East as a naval weather officer. I took a late night flight from San Francisco to my home in the Chicago area on United Airlines. In those days flights between major cities often had a first-class flight with all the amenities and a coach flight that followed about 45 minutes later with only coffee. If possible United would put the coach passengers on the first-class flight if there was room. Seems there had been a scrap dealer’s convention in San Francisco and the first-class flight was booked solid, so my coach flight flew with about seven passengers. Since it was past midnight there was little for the one stewardess to do, and I was awake. She sat down with me and chatted and proceeded to knit on a dress. About an hour or so out of San Francisco the pilot announced that the first-class flight had a minor engine problem and was landing in Salt Lake City and that we would land also and pick up their passengers. United did put on a second stewardess for the balance of the flight, but by dawn the passengers were getting pretty upset with nothing to eat, and the coffee was long gone. The stewardesses were in a bit of a quandary so I went aft to the galley and sort of ran interference for them in my officer’s uniform. Once in Chicago I gave the stewardess my card and stated I’d be happy to buy her dinner when another flight brought her to Chicago.

Greeting my parents for the first time in 21\/2 years, I believe my first words were “Boy, that stewardess has the best smile,” not the words they expected. Three weeks later after finishing a super leg of veal dinner at my parents home, the phone rang and it turned out the stewardess was at the Chicago airport and wondered if the dinner offer was still good. Of course I said yes, picked her up at the airport and went to a steakhouse where I managed to eat second full meal.

On the 29th of this month, we will have been married 51 years.

— Jul and Phil Skaer

I flew home to rural Missouri a few summers ago to visit family and to escort my sister and nephew back to where I was living in coastal Florida. My sister had only flown once, and her 9-year-old son had never flown. I knew changing planes in Dallas would be really stressful if they had to go it alone.

Justin, the 9-year-old boy, was riveted to the plane’s window and, being a NASCAR fan, enjoyed the take-off tremendously. We flew had a male flight attendant that was in his late 40s . At one point early in the flight, I called the attendant over and explained it was Austin’s first flight and I was wondering if they still gave out wings to first-time fliers. He told us they no longer did that. Before we landed at our destination the attendant returned and said he was pretty sure that he had some wings at home and if we would give him an address he would send Austin a pair. We did just that and you should have seen the smile on Austin’s face when several weeks later he received an envelope in the mail with a pair of wings. That’s customer service!

— Michelle Gaines

On Mother’s Day 1976, Pan American World Airways flight attendant Toni Gil de Lamadrid was working as purser on a flight from Washington to London.

She couldn’t help but notice the tall, good-looking young man sitting near the galley in coach class. When food service time came — meals were still served in coach in those days — the man declined to eat. He said he’d just taken his parents out to dinner.

“I thought, what a nice guy, taking his mom out to dinner on Mother’s Day,” the flight attendant recalls.

After dinner in coach, she checked the cabin, started the flight’s movie and sat down in her jump seat. She realized immediately that she was blocking the nice young man’s view.

“So I sat in the empty seat next to the galley, two seats away from him, same row,” she says. The man took off his earphones and struck up a conversation.

After a few minutes, she excused herself to check the cabin again, then sat down in the galley, worrying that the man might feel he was stuck with talking to the flight attendant.

Just before the flight arrived in London, the young man walked up to the her and asked her to join him for dinner.

“To tell you the truth, I had been flying for 10 years then and had decided not to accept any invitation from passengers,” she says. “It had been my experience that mostly they were after something more than a nice dinner with a young woman.”

But against her judgment, she accepted the dinner.

“He took me to a wonderful French restaurant, where we had a fabulous dinner and a chatty evening,” she recalls. Turns out the young man, Ted Spalding, was an offshore oil engineer and traveled a lot. “By the time we realized it, the restaurant’s floor was being vacuumed, all the chairs were on top of the tables and we were being stared at with a time-to-leave look from the employees.”

At that time, most London bars closed at midnight, but the young man noted that his hotel bar was still open. Would she like a nightcap?

“I thought, oh no, here we go – one of those guys again,” she says. But it she went with him to the bar. They had a cognac and talked until 2 a.m. They exchanged addresses, he hailed a taxi for her, and she went to her own hotel.

“I can’t tell you how very excited I was,” she says, “or how very sad. Here I had met this great person but would probably not see him again because he was on his way back to work in West Africa. We would be continents apart.”

The next day she got home to Alexandria, Va., and was preparing to take a hot bath when the phone rang. It was the young man, saying he was staying in London one extra day.

He knew the flight attendant had another flight back to London that day. Could they have a picnic?

“I said yes, that I would bring the food and wine and he would rent the car. So we did, and had a really, really nice time,” she says.

Two months later, she says, the two arranged to spend a week together in Las Palmas, Canary Islands, “where we discovered we really liked each other’s company and ways. We were both in our 30s and pretty sure of what we wanted in a relationship.”

In October, they made a rendezvous in Nairobi, Kenya.

“We toured the city and some game parks, then drove down to Tanzania and hiked Mount Kilimanjaro,” she says. ” The hike was so wonderful I could write a book about it. He proposed to me right there, on Gillman’s Point, on top of Mount Kilimanjaro.”

In January 1977, Gil de Lamadrid and Spalding were married in Virginia. In 1984, Toni Spalding retired, and the couple moved to Austin and adopted a child.

The former flight attendant, who now works as a Realtor in Austin, marvels that although eight months elapsed from the time she and Ted met on the plane, they had actually spent less than a month in each other’s company.

“Most people would think a month is not enough to know someone well,” she says. “We’ve been married for 32 years, and our marriage has been wonderful.”

I wake up by 4am every working day in time to prepare my children for school and for my office pick up by 5am. Being a senior, I should always be there before the others just to make sure everything is in place. Together with the others, I check all the emergency equipment to make sure they are in place and in good working condition. I have to do drills with the other attendants to remind us of the first Aid and emergency processes. I am a safety officer in the flight so I cannot leave anything to chance.

How it came to this

I always wanted to be an air hostess. Before, airlines never used to allow flight attendants to have children but now the rules are a bit relaxed. When I saw an advert calling for applications, I applied and was immediately taken in by Jetlink Airlines and trained at their school for three months.

What it takes

You must have a beautiful personality. Outward beauty and all the smiling are not the only things that employers look for. It is those qualities that cannot be seen with the naked eye that count most of the time.

Training

I trained as a marketer but when the airlines took me in, they trained me in flight attendance.

Challenges

As a mother of two children, I don’t get to spend enough time with my children. Sometimes I get home late in time to just tuck them in bed and wish them goodnight. In the morning, I leave very early and cannot bond with them, as I would like to. Being in a relationship, sometimes the spouse might think that you are too busy for them and not giving them enough attention. If you don’t have a spouse that understands how the job goes, then you might have to lose your job or your relationship.

To would-be attendants

Nothing comes easy and integrity and professionalism is the only way to make it. The only thing that we can ever get for free is failure. Be ready to handle the pressures that come with it like watching weight, annoying passengers and never ever have an affair with a passenger. This will be the beginning of your downfall.

When not working

I go out dancing with my friends. I can keep fit, have fun and relax all at the same time. My children are my greatest source of joy so I spend quality time with them when quantity is not forthcoming.

Wareer prospects

I would like to own a training school where I will be teaching young girls everything about in-flight duties.

Judy Yiembe – East Africa Safari Air

Typical working day

I am picked at 10am whenever I have a flight to Juba at 2pm. On arrival at the airport, which should be an hour before passengers board, I, together with other flight attendants, hold a meeting, where every crew in the flight is apportioned duties. We also prepare how to handle special cases if any. I then do a checklist to ensure that all the safety and emergency equipment are in place and in good working condition. These include the fire extinguisher; escape slides in case of emergency landing, first Aid kits and the doors. The oxygen masks and the floating jackets for the passengers have to be working and in the right place. After this, I prepare refreshments, and then board the passengers in.

My job is not only about serving the customers. My main duty in the flight is safety of the passenger then service comes in second.

How it came to this

Watching movies as a young girl, I was always thrilled to see nice-looking and smart cabin crews. So I decided to be an airhostess when I was of age. Unlike for many people, my dream has come true.

What it takes

You always have to be presentable. No passenger would want to be served by someone who is not well groomed. You must be able to express yourself with a lot of courage and clarity. In case we have an emergency, I have to talk to the passengers and talk and talk more because this is the only way they will not panic

Training

I trained in tourism and travel but when East African Safari Air took me in, I had to go for more training at their school.

Challenges

I always have to watch my weight. One cannot be overweight or underweight at any particular time. Some passengers too are overly dramatic. There was this time that we had a delayed flight and the passenger threw tantrums and could not take an explanation. But it is my duty to lend a listening ear and be of service to all.

When not working

My job gives me the satisfaction of working and at the same time to exploring my hobbies.

Travelling, meeting new people and learning their cultures, and shopping are some of the things I love. I take time to be with my family, friends and to watch movies.

To would-be attendants

Be ready to face all the challenges that come with it. It is not only about the glamour and smiling. In this profession, you are a nurse, doctor, midwife, counsellor, fire fighter and a lifeguard all at the same time. You have to get used to being away from your family. People have a misconstrued perception that cabin crew date their passengers. Maintain professionalism and remember this profession is not for the faint hearted or hot tempered.

Career prospects

In 10 years, I would like to sit in the cockpit of an aircraft of my own airline and have a feel of being served by the flight attendants.

Christine Akinyi Onyango – Kenya Airways

Typical working day

I leave home at midnight when I am scheduled for a London flight. After checking in, I join the others for a briefing by the flight purser. I ensure all security checks are done, refreshments are in place before I board in my passengers. Through the journey, I have to ensure that everyone is comfortable. I also have to be alert for any strange happenings like smoke. Cigarettes are banned in the flight but some passengers go ahead and carry them.

How it came to this

When I was young, my mother used to travel a lot, on her return, she would tell about thing that happen in the plane and in the countries that she went to. She also brought us a lot of clothes. I admired her silently and I told myself that one day I have to work as an airhostess. I failed my first test for cabin crew but second time I sailed through.

What it takes

Always remember that catering is not the main duty of the crew but safety of oneself, the passenger and of the aircraft in that order. So if you are a coward, you definitely stand no chance in this profession.

Training

I previously trained as a cabin crew and customer attendant. After joining the airline, I trained at the Emergency School in emergency equipment, fire fighting, ditching and passenger evacuation in case of emergency.

Challenges

The most challenging part of my job is people. Everyone has a different character and some of them are weird but when working, you have to overlook all this and work as a family for the sake of the passenger. Other passengers are also very tricky to deal with. I miss to spend crucial days like Christmas and birthdays with my husband and son but they understand. I always call them and so I do not get to miss them so much.

When not working

I catch up with my friends then stay with my family and cook for them. I like reading and watching movies.

Career prospects

I would like to be the Public Relations Manager at Kenya Airways. I will be working on the ground so I will be able to spend more time with my family.

He was trying desperately to help save the passengers and lost his life in doing so. Alfred could been alive today had he not been so brave and conscientious,risking his life for perhaps some PPS passengers.

Well he is gone and nothing can bring him back but there are lessons to be learnt.

SQ should treasure its crew,especially cabin crew. Flight stewardess Fawzana, a newbie went out of her way and risked her life and limbs to save the lives of passengers. She did well and the same goes for CS Suresh and the other cabin crew.

If there is another round of mishap and I pray not, SQ still have to depend on its brave and unselfish cabin crew to save the lives of its pasengers.

BTW, air crashes were never caused by the cabin crew and yet they have to pay dearly with their own lives.

Cherish them and don’t just think of cutting cost by curtailing their flight pattern for you never know when you need them to sacrifice their lives for your customers.

He will always be remembered for his husky and powerful voice. Passengers would stop whatever they were doing and listened to Mike whenever his voice would come over the aircraft passenger address system.

He was a top class PR man and was never rude to anyone or even to passengers who were nasty to him and his crew.He was also a man with a terrific sense of humour.

His uniform as well his personal turnout was spick and span. He was very particular about good grooming and his English was almost perfect.

Some years back,Mike had a heart bypass but it looks like the surgery did not prolong his life too long. Mike was a carefree guy who loved liquor and cigarettes. He also loved eating meals high in fat contents and we believe that combination could have killed him. He did not believe in excercises or keeping fit and that could have contributed to his early departure. He was 62 when he died of a heart attack in KL,Malaysia.

Mike had a wonderful flying career with SIA. However the only thing he could not achieved was his desire to be a cabin crew execuitve. He had applied a dozen times or more but the management disappointed him.

Certain managers were not in favour of him being a CCE. We did not know the reason or reasons why they won’t promote Mike. It could be that Mike had a tendency of mixing with Indian crew most of the time and branded a racist. The managers we suspect, believed that Mike’s gentlemanly behaviour was “put on” or fake. Mike’s heart and pride took a bashing each time his junior was promoted to be CCE and not him. It could also be that a passenger had complained against Mike for sleeping on a flight in the first class section which he was not supposed to. The passenger also noted the number of times Mike smoked in the first class passenger’s seat. Well that happened about 15 years ago,if I am not wrong.

The complaint was perhaps the stumbling block to Mike’s promotion but no one really knows what were the actually reasons.

About 2 years ago Mike applied for an IFS job with Jet Airways,an Indian Airlines. He was one of the three people Jet decided to employ as IFS out of the more senior ex CCE and IFS which numbered at least 100. However,Mike failed his medical test and was not employed.

He was unemployed all these while since retiring from SQ at the age of 55. It could be the drinking, smoking and the boredom that cut his life short.

Whatever the story was, Mike will always be remembered as a great guy and a gentleman to us in cabin crew.

Farewell our buddy and may your soul rest in peace.

‘James’ a PPS passenger from Taipei was giving the staff and crew a hard time whenever he travelled with SQ. He antagonised someone from SQ management and cabin crew division looked into his mistress work record and found her to be involved in a few medical fraud cases and was sacked.

The truth of the matter was ‘James’ wanted the Taipei ground staff to upgrade his mistress from business class to the first class section. They ground staff told him they would have done the upgrading if not for the presence of a cabin crew executive on the flight (the ground staff was passing the buck to the CCE)

Angered by the reason for not upgrading his mistress,James took it on the CCE during the flight. He abused the CCE (happened to be a relatively young female graduate CCE) and complained to SIA that this particular CCE slept on the job.

The cabin crew manager in charge of this CCE did not accept the complaint as valid,knowing that this graduate CCE was a high flyer and not capable of sleeping on the short flight between TPE and JPN.

The manager was also informed of the name of the LSS who was James’ mistress and he immediately ordered the cabin crew “Medical Tribunal” staff to investigate the medical as well as work records of this particular LSS.

Unfortunately for the LSS,she had committed a couple of MC fraud cases and the result was,she was fired.

Eddie joined the airlines way back in the late 1960s after graduating from Singapore University.

From the positions of manager to general manager, Eddie later became the SVP of SIA cabin crew.

A man of few words, Eddie was well liked as the big boss of cabin crew.He was also a gutsy boss who would not kow tow to the unionists like most bosses did.

Now why did BT like so much about his ex boss?

First of all, Eddie is a compassionate man. He did not hesitate to help pay off one of his staff’s debt instead of sacking him like another boss who took over did.

Second, Eddie was a generous boss who would use his own money to entertain his subordinates at karaoke lounges during the weekends. He would pay for all the expenses incurred,sometimes to the tune of a few thousand dollars.

Third, Eddie had the balls to differ with his CEO over matters that concerned staff welfare.

Fourth,Eddie was a nice and humble person and behaved like one of the staff, never used his position as a boss to intimidate his subordinates.

Many of the CCEs who were given early retirement felt had Eddie still been their SVP during the SARS period,their positions would not have been made redundant.

Eddie would listened to the CCEs and even took their sides against his own assistant and managers.

Whenever people like BT or his CCE colleagues had work problems, Eddie was always there to help them.

The only people who did not like Eddie were the unionists whom he refused to play ball with.

The staff nicked named him Gutsy Eddie and he lived up to his reputation,till the very end of his career.

Eddie almost lost all his perks as a SVP when the Henry Teo’s cheating case was discovered. When the company refused him his retirement benefits,he confronted his boss and almost took the company to court. The company finally gave all his bebefits back to him.

What a great SVP cabin crew had in Eddie J.

I was dismayed to hear the stories she related to me regarding some of our crew.

At the bedside of her very sick father, a few crew had the audacity to asked for money,citing financial difficulties as the main reason. Here this man was dying of cancer and here were crew who solicited for money.

Sure many of the other grateful crew were there to visit Mr. Yap but amongst them were wolves waiting to pounce on the opportunity to asked for money.

‘D’ told me she was filled with disgust with those crew who took advantage of her kind father.

When mom wanted to tell the covetous crew off,Mr. Yap stopped her and asked her to sign cheques for them.

Mrs. Yap and the rest of the family members were disappointed with those opportunistic crew.

‘D’ also told me how her dad’s expensive and sentimental watch was stolen by the crew during one of the nights when he entertained the crew at his hotel suites.

Mr. Yap appealed to those who took his watch to return it to him and was willing to pay whatever was asked. It was a specially designed watch from Switzerland ordered by his wife as a gift to him. It had great sentimental value. However, his appeal fell on deaf ears.

Just to recap,Mr. Yap had over the years spent thousands of dollars buying crew expensive meals,gifts and gave cash to many of them to furnish their apartments,settle debts etc. in return for their friendship.

The late Mr. Yap on many ocassions related stories of his financial hardship and how he had to work long hours as a little boy help his family. Now that he was a wealthy man,he told the crew he could empathized with them.That was also the reason for him to be overly generous to the crew.

When ‘D’ finished relating her stories to me,she broke down and cried.

When I was checking my bag, the woman at the ticket counter asked me if I had a reservation for Max. This was right after paying $15 to check my bag as I don’t like to carry anything on the plane. I told her I was carrying him on & he would ride under the seat—he is a nine lb. Pomeranian. She then informed me that it would cost me an additional $100 one way. She said that was their policy. She was quite rude in a “gotcha” sort of way. When I first started flying with Max on Delta nine years ago, I was told that as long as he was riding under the seat & was in an airline approved Sherpa bag there would be no charge. He is an excellent traveler—quiet, sweet & manages to charm everyone he meets. I have been taking him to retirement homes to visit seniors for years. He loves to just sit on their laps & give them love. He actually has a little picture ID card as a “pet volunteer” for the Motion Picture & Television Home.

After paying the $100 I went to the gate & called customer service. The woman who answered had a very heavy accent & the connection was very poor. She then told me that she was in the Philippines. Eventually she transferred me to a supervisor in the US who told me to show his service ID card to customer service when I changed planes. Unfortunately I hadn’t brought it.

After boarding my first flight, they announced that there was now a charge of $2.00 for sodas, juices & water!!! I said that I thought it must be illegal to charge for water. The first class flight attendant, Lorrie, informed me in a very short tone “No it’s not.” I said what if you have to take a pill. She replied “Then you have to buy a bottle of water.”

As it was only a 45 minute flight, I saw only three people in coach get anything to drink. It was almost laughable to see the flight attendants to their beverage service & cleanup. I told one of the attendants in coach what Lorrie had said & she apologized for her behavior. She said that if someone needed water to take medication, she would be sure to give it to them, but would have to be discrete about it. I then observed Lorrie come back into coach & wake up two people whom she appeared to know & give them bottled water.

When I got on my next flight things were even worse. As many people had carried their luggage on to prevent being charged $15 for a checked bag, the there was a delay as many of those carry-on bags had to be tagged & stowed underneath for lack of room in the overhead bins. Then there was a woman sitting behind me who appeared to have bronchitis & coughed continuously for four hours.

I got up to use the restroom during the flight. The toilet was dirty as if people hadn’t been flushing & there was an odor. When I went to wash my hands no water came out of the tap. I noticed some hand wipes lying on the counter so I used them to clean my hands. I came out & told the flight attendant. She was embarrassed & said “there is no running water on the flight.” I can’t explain the technical reasons, but she said that in trying to conserve fuel they had not had time to supply the plane with water for the restrooms.

We then got into a long discussion about all the extra charges for things that used to be included, etc. I told her that just that morning at the gym I’d seen a segment on CNN about passengers saying that with the drop in fuel prices they had not passed the savings on to the consumer—i.e. lower fares, charges for checked bags, etc. She then explained the airlines perspective to me—high fuel costs early in the year & the need to make up some of those costs as they were in financial trouble like so many industries. She said their opinion was that passengers were only paying for what they used by this method. I then asked her how much the salaries of upper level management were & what their bonuses were last year. She loweredher eyes & said, “Don’t get me started on that. You’re right. That’s where the real problem lies.”

I talked at length with all the crew on the flight & told them that I was going to write a column about these issues. They told me of the problems in the industry, the merger between US Air & America West which has left some attendants making much less money for doing the same job than others, as upper level management does not want equal pay across the board. The crew was all very pleasant, intelligent & courteous.

If the crew were in charge of US Airways, I would fly on this airline again. When I tried to call Customer Service today to give my feedback, I was on hold for over an hour & never did reach a representative. With a bunch of out of touch “fat cats” in charge, I don’t ever plan to patronize them again. To charge me $100 to carry-on Max, which did not inconvenience them in the least & then to charge $2.00 for non-alcoholic drinks that they get for next to nothing as they are a promotion for the manufacturer is obscene. It shows how out of touch the people at the top are. This was first hand evidence to me of everything that is wrong with our economy & our country right now. Corporate greed & incompetence needs to end if the US is going to recover its standing & reputation in the world. The little guy gets stuck with the bill for the guy with all money to make even more money. If there is such a thing as “sin”, that is it.

We have just reached cruising altitude, and I receive the sign from the captain letting me know that he will not be turning of the fasten seatbelt sign right now. I pick up the interphone and begin informing everyone, “Ladies and gentlemen, the Captain has decided to leave on the fasten seat belt sign. We ask that you please remain seated with your seat belt securely fastened. Should he decide to turn off the seat belt sign, you may feel free to move about the cabin as necessary. However, we do ask that for your safety, anytime you are in your seat, you keep your seatbelt fastened.”

I had not even hung up the intercom when I see a man get up out of his seat and head for the back of the plane. One of the other flight attendants jumps in front of him and explains to the man that he has to wait until the Captain turns off the fasten seat belt sign before he can get out of his seat. After giving the flight attendant a hard time, the man finally sits down.

A few minutes later, a lady sitting across from the man waves for us to come here. We walk back to see what she wants, and she points over to the man who had gotten out of his seat a few minutes ago. This man has unzipped his pants, pulled out his penis, and is urinating in a pop bottle. My co-worker and I start laughing hysterically. I guess the man couldn’t hold it in for a few minutes.

I go back to the front of the plane and leave the male flight attendant to handle that situation. Bruce (the male flight attendant) figured the least he can do is hold a blanket up to cover the man from the view of other passengers and give the man some privacy while he does his business. That is one passenger I will probably never forget.

Good Morning (3.30am) Your alarm is going off and its time to get up for a flight to Tenerife, which is due to depart at 7.00am. You apply your make up, put on your uniform and make sure your appearance is immaculate (Even at 4.00am in the morning!). Cabin Crew need to check in at least 1hour and 30 minutes prior to the aircraft departing, so you will need to report for work (in the briefing room) at 5.30am. You arrive at Gatwick, park in the car park and catch the shuttle bus to the briefing room.

Your Pre-Flight Brief Fifteen minutes to go until the pre-flight brief. This will give you time to check your cabin manual to refresh yourself with the emergency procedures and location of emergency equipment for the aircraft you are operating on. You go into the pre-flight briefing which is being held on the aircraft and the senior crew talks through the flight details. This will normally include the order in which the services will operate for the flight, your responsibilities for the day and if there are any passengers with special needs flying i.e. you may be given the responsibility to explain the emergency facilities to a blind passenger on the particular aircraft you are operating on. You should also be prepared to be asked questions regarding safety and emergency procedures for that particular aircraft.

BEFORE THE PASSENGERS BOARD

It’s now time for you and your team to check your emergency equipment, that you have enough meals, drinks and duty free for the passengers, stock all the toilets with the necessary hand towels and tissues making sure its kept clean and tidy throughout the whole flight. Now the passengers are on the way, this is your final chance to check that your uniform is immaculate and presentable, all that’s left to do is smile and greet the passengers on board (bearing in mind its 6.30am in the morning). Remember you are the face of the airline so smiles are essential throughout the whole flight.

Back to Top

In Preparation of Take Off All the passengers are now seated and the aircraft pushes back and prepares to taxi to the runway. It is now time to perform the safety demonstration so passengers can familiarise themselves with all the aircraft’s emergency facilities. This will include pointing out the available emergency exits and lighting, the use of oxygen masks, seat belts and life jacket. You will complete your demonstration by checking through the cabin ensuring seatbelts are fastened and loose articles are secure for take off. You will now take your seat for take off.

DURING THE FLIGHT

Once the aircraft is airborne you will be released from your seat. You will perform your duties as discussed in the pre-flight brief and now its time to start work. The order of services varies from one airline to another, however this example is based on a typical charter flight as mentioned earlier.) Services offered on most charter airlines are charged for. This includes the sale of headsets for the in-flight entertainment, drinks and duty free goods. The meal is pre-ordered and paid for when the passenger booked.

Typical services which can be offered are the following:

Headsets for the in house entertainment

Drinks service

Meal service

Tea & Coffee

Cold towels offered to passengers to freshen up after their meal

Clearing & collecting the meal trays from the passenger

Duty free goods

Immigration cards

Preparing the cabin for landing.

During this time you must also remember to check the toilets every 20 minutes to make sure that they are clean and stocked up. Deal with a number of questions and queries and most importantly maintain the safety and comfort for all of the passengers.

Back to Top

LANDING AT TENERIFE

You now take your seats for landing. Once landed you say goodbye to the passengers and then prepare the aircraft for its return journey back home to Gatwick. (This is referred to the turnaround). Duties to include are restocking the bars for the drinks service, restock and check the catering, restock all the toilets, take out any rubbish from the seat pockets and ensuring all passengers have reading literature i.e. airline magazine, safety card, in-flight sales brochure and a sick bag. Before your new passengers board you will have to complete a security check to ensure no one has left any suspecting packages on board as this is obviously taken very seriously. Last but not least check your appearance before the new passengers arrive. The passengers arrive so once again you have to greet them and assist where needed. When they are all seated its time to begin the same emergency briefing and cabin service all over again!

LANDING AT GATWICK AND END OF FLIGHT CHECKS

Once you have landed back at your base airport and the passengers have disembarked, its time to go back to the brief room to count the money and to make sure that the amount of goods sold throughout the flight balances with the amount of cash you have taken. Once this has been done its time to check your file for any changes to your future flying programme and then you are free to go home. Congratulations you have completed a thirteen-hour day and you will feel like you have walked to Tenerife and back! GOODNIGHT!

****** On landing the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

****** “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane.”

****** “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

****** As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”

****** After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as #### everything has shifted.”

****** From a Southwest Airlines employee: “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 261 to Phoenix. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull it tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in > > public unsupervised.”

****** In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.

****** Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”

****** “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our > > compliments.”

****** “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children…or other adults acting like children.”

****** “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouse

****** And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!” ****** Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, “That was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault…it was the asphalt!”

****** Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain > > taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

****** Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

****** An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying United.” He said that,in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no Ma’am,” said the pilot. “What is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land or were we shot down?”

****** After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”

****** Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways.”

****** A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back, relax. and….. OH, MY GOD!” Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!” A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”

1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, ‘People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!’

2. On a Continental Flight with a very ’senior’ flight attendant crew, the pilot said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.’

3. On landing, the stewardess said, ‘Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.

4. ‘There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane’

5. ‘Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.’

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: ‘Whoa, big fella. WHOA!’

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight a announced, ‘Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.’

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: ‘Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.’

9. ‘In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.’

10. ‘Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.’

11. ‘Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.’
®

Daniel England wrote and said: I have an addition to your plane announcements. I was once flying into Singapore when the pilot came on, very calmly, and said:
‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an announcement. We are about to land in Singapore. If you have any drugs, you will be executed. Thank you.’

AI (Air India) – Allah Informed

ALITALIA – Always Late In Takeoff Always Late In Arrival ,Air Line In Tokyo And Luggage In Amsterdam

BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corp.) – Better On A Camel ,Bloody Old and Careless

CA (China Airlines) – Choose Another

CAAC (Civil Aviation Authority of China ?) – Chinese Airline Always Canceled , China Airlines Almost (Always) Crashes

CPA (Canadian Airl.Intl.) – Can’t Promise Anything (New code CAI) – Crash And Ignite, Call Ambulance Immediately, Circle Airport Indefinitely, Cruise Above Iceland, Cancel Alaskan Itinerary, Call Attendants “Idiots”, Check All Items, Copilots Are Imbeciles, Casual Atmosphere Inside

DELTA – Don’t Even Leave The Airport, Don’t Ever Leave The Airport, Don’t Even Let Them Aboard (referring to the arabs?), Departing Even Later Than Anticipated

EAL (Eastern) – Eastern’s Always Late

ELAL – Every Landing Always Late

JAT (Yugoslav Airlines)- Joke About Time

KLM = Koop Lockheed Majesteit (Buy Lockheed, Your majesty, after the Lockheed bribe scandal which involved HRH Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands)

LOT (Polish Airlines) – Last One There, Luggage On Tarmack (wave ‘bye!)

LUFTHANSA – Let Us Fuck The Horses, Are No Stewardesses Available

PA (Philippine Airways)- Please Avoid

PAL (Phil. Airlines) – Philippines Always Late

PAN AM – Plan On Arriving Nervewracked And Mad

PIA (Pakistan Intl.Airl) – Please Inform Allah, Panic In Air ,Perhaps I Arrive

QANTAS – Queer And Nasty Types As Stewards

SABENA (Belgium) – Such A Bloody Experience, Never Again, Such A Bad Experience, Never Again

SAHSA (Servicio Aero Honduras SA) – Stay At Home, Stay Alive

SAS (Scandinavian Airl. System) – Sweet And Sexy, Sex And Service

SIA (Singapore Intl.Airl.) – So Incredible, Aah

TACA – Take A Chance Airline

TAP (Portuguese Airl.) – Take Another Plane

TRANSAVIA – To Rape A New Stewardess After V1 Is Allowed.

TWA (Transworld Airl.) – Travel Without Arrival, Try Walking, Asshole , Try Walking Again, The Worst Airline, Took Wrong Airline, Try Walking Across (transatlantic perspective), Travel With Arabs, Terrorist Welcome Aboard, Terrorists With Arms, Teenie Weenie Airlines, Traveling Without Air, Tiny Wings Aflappin , Time Waste Airlines

Usair – Unfortunately, Still Alleghany In Reality

Ms. Adams wrote Drop Me a Line, a collection of pick-up lines heard by flight attendants. Here’s a sample of the pick-up lines on her list:
“You have to know CPR because you take my breath away.”

“I’m not drunk. I’m just intoxicated by you!”

“If I borrowed your glasses, could I see you tomorrow night?”

“Congratulations, you’ve just been voted the most beautiful Flight Attendant. I’m your prize!”
Okay, stop rolling your eyes. I know they’re groaners, but I think that’s the point.!

There are others on that post, and still more contributed by readers in the Comments section at the end of the post. Go and have a look at Drop Me a Line. Go ahead and add your favorite (or least favorite!) pick-up line to the list — there, or here.

You never unpack
You look to the ceiling when your doorbell chimes
You wish you had jet engines mounted in your bedroom so you could fall asleep faster
You don’t ever write a full city name (and it bugs your non-aviation friends): DTW MCO FCO BOM
You get excited over certain types of ice
You silently curse every Bose headset-wearing dude — (“Yes, the electronic device announcement means you, sir.”)
You know how to look fresh in 5 day old clothes
No matter how many times you clean out your suitcase you still find ancient hidden treasures in there
You HATE boarding
You LOVE deplaning
You have figured out that turbulence is not caused by clouds but by the initial movement of all meal carts
You can’t believe that people let their babies and toddlers play on the floor of the aircraft cabin — ewww, nasty
You remember the passengers with great manners (that’s sad)
You can’t remember when UM’s actually became bigger than you
You love foreigners because they can’t adequately complain in English
You have to turn your head when you see a passenger in stocking feet enter a lavatory
You secretly cheer when another flight attendant has to deal with the medical emergency
You HATE on board duty free
You can’t stand the frequent flyer who says “I fly more than you…” (yeah, right)
You hate running into your passengers at your layover hotel
Blankety-blank tray stackers!
You hate when the heavy drinkers start flirting and calling you by name
You long for the days when it was easy to rig the TV for free movies
You want to smack the nail clipping — finger nail polishing — nose picking — snoring passengers
You want no passengers talking to you while you are non-revving
Even when you are not working a flight, you travel in uniform for the liquids, creams and gels exemption
If passengers can’t find the flush to the toilet — they should stay in there till they do!
You wish you had a button to press that would announce, “No I don’t have a pen”
You are excited to find a can of different soda that is not supposed to be on your airline
You could scream when people use an empty seat to change their baby’s diaper, and don’t even put a blanket underneath the little one — worse yet, they ask if they can change the baby on the floor of the galley!
You know a meaning for “crop-dusting” that has nothing to do with agriculture
You cruise the aircraft after all the passengers have deplaned to find the discarded magazines and paperback novels before the cleaners get them
You can spot the cover of a new crossword or sudoku book on an airport newsstand rack from 50 feet away
You hate early morning departures — Who in the hell HAS to fly at 6 AM?
You wish every airline manager actually WAS a flight attendant at one point in their life (this goes double for flight attendant supervisors)
You can’t believe the senior F/A at your airline is in their 80’s (doesn’t matter what airline they all have them)
You try not to go to the bathroom on the plane but you sure can catch a good nap in there
You hate that passengers think they can hear you without taking off their headsets
You are glad there are no hidden cameras in the galley
Your non-aviation friends truly don’t get the commuting part: “So you have to fly when and your trip starts where??”
YES, “Remain seated for the duration of our flight” DOES mean YOU
You can’t figure out why your manager is not held accountable for the same things you are
Your jumpseat partner knows more about you than your spouse or life partner
You have at least 6 items of your own you could add to this list
You had a memory for all of these, and understood every one.

The endless opportunities and exciting prospects make this one of the top 10 jobs people dream of becoming. Though, not all of us know exactly the best strategy to enter in this so exciting career.

I am writing this post, not because I am a successful cabin crew today and even before. I wrote this post in behalf of my brother, who recently was able to get-in in the industry of aviation. By now that I am completing this post, my brother is near to finish the 5 weeks training in United Arab Emirates and soon be on board by next month. He had some rejections with the 2 popular airlines in the Phil’s. Finally, he was able to make it! And this time it’s an international airline. During the application, we were together with the entire procedures. From searching, studying & actual application process, I was with him. It’s really pretty exciting and totally worth it.

Middle East may not sound good as a starting point to enter in this Cabin Crew Career but, yes it is! A lot of people are transferring to Middle East for a certain land based job but in reality these people are targeting the famous international airlines of different countries here in Middle East.

When I was with my brother during the pre-screening application for Emirates Airlines, I was able to chat with some applicants and I was shocked that most of them transferred in Middle East to start up their dream of becoming cabin crew. They will initially accept a land-based job but they will look forward to the mass hiring of these airlines. Famous airlines such as Emirates, Qatar Airways, Etihad and Gulf Air are conducting an average mass hiring twice a year, specifically in Kingdom of Bahrain & UAE.

This mass hiring does really have a different approach, not in terms of the airline’s hiring procedures but in terms of the competition that’s happening within the applicants.

A certain company that conducts a mass hiring has already a target number of applicants to hire. Unless, nevertheless that certain batch of applicants doesn’t meet their requirements, then it will affect their target number of applicants.

What land-based job will be a good starting point?

Cabin Crew’s major responsibility evolves in customer service. It is a responsible job and involves everything from the anticipation and understanding of each of the customer’s needs, providing the highest standard of comfort and customer care, to the safety and security of the passengers and aircraft. So, land based jobs such as guest relation officer, receptionist, waitress/waiter, bellboy, guest attendant and the like, would be a great training ground for customer care industry.